Navigating faith, love, and life in the Netherlands

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Want to "sleep like a baby"?




Multiple times I've heard the expression "sleeping like a baby," and it's generally used to describe a great night of restful sleep.

However, as the mom of 2 kids - one who's 2 1/2 and one who's 4 months old - I beg to differ.

Here's how you REALLY sleep like a baby:

1. Don't.  Like, not at all.

2. If you do, then just wake up every few hours to eat and use the bathroom.  Sleep "all day", and by that I mean in 3-4 hour long cycles that include eating and using the bathroom.

3.  Suck on something - like a pacifier or maybe a lollipop - to help you fall asleep.  Spit it out later.  Bonus points if you accidentally spit it out while falling asleep and can't find it to put it in again.

4.  Fart every so often.  Or, even better, eat something that makes it more likely to fart and then cry your eyes out because of the discomfort.

5. Change up your sleeping routine every month or so.

Sweet dreams!